Wednesday, 5 December 2012


This is a month I actually had no trouble with last year, but I had severe gastritis so it was painful to eat. I weighed about 9st 4- 9st 7, which is a weight I like very much but one I have trouble maintaining because when I get there it's always a long time coming and somewhat unfamiliar territory. And so I struggle. But I'm on another so called "journey". I hate that word because with our weight it's the thing we are most in control with, and so we 'in a way' get to decide where one "journey" begins and when another ends. But having this control is hard, especially when you lose the control because you become out of control, which is something I don't have enough fingers and toes to count.

Loss of control is the thing that I struggle with, with weight loss, yes but mainly maintenance. I'm generally ok at loosing, even better at gaining, but terrible at maintenance. Ok, so it's realistic to fluctuate and it happens to everyone - whether it's just that time of the month, or it could be the time of the year, like this time where temptation is everywhere. It's called temptation for a reason, and there's always something that I try to remind myself of that I sometimes struggle to follow through on. That is that I have the control. Me. But this fact slips out of the window, especially when it comes to treats.

My weight has fluctuated somewhat over the years; from 11st 3 to 8st 7. Now my weight normally reflects my mental state. If I'm happy my weight is low, if I fall into a slump and become depressed and anxiety riddled my weight goes through the roof. Now I'm aware of this pattern, I'm not trying to turn a blind I to the facts. But it's still a struggle, and sometimes my awareness is that acute it becomes a hazard that doesn't help the situation one little bit.

I know what needs to be done, but lately my grades have been more important than my weight. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing - but there will always be something won't there? If it's not my grades I'll find something else, another excuse. After the holidays my health will once again become a priority, but for now my grades are number one, whilst I am still trying to make balanced choices food wise.

Whew, that feels like a weight off my chest - now let's direct that to my thighs! Ha ha.