09/08-15/08

This week equals a success and I feel completely proud of myself to be saying that sentence.

As I relax now with a well earned beer (or two), I find myself looking back on the week. The lows, the highs, the successes, the failures, it really did all happen. But I battled with myself when it came to food and I made sure that I got a good workout session in (whatever I decided it would be). And two out of three ain't bad, as Meatloaf would say or for me six out of seven ain't bad! The only day I "took off" was Thursday, or yesterday I should say, as I just felt downright terrible after minimal sleep. At one point, I honestly thought I'd pass out from exhaustion. But I powered through, took two Pro-Plus (which I hate to do) and pulled it out of the bag. Now I never recommend taking caffeine in pill form, but yesterday it was necessary and quickly did the trick. I'd say within half an hour I was powering through job applications and continuing on with my Thursday.

Eating healthy and cleaner, and simply working out, doing whatever I chose is what has made my week a success. In my own eyes anyhow. The workouts where beginner and nothing too strenuous was achieved, as in I wasn't flipping tyres or throwing sandbags, which is what I always think about when I think of "proper people" who work out. I ran, I lifted weights, I toyed around with kettle-bells (easily my new favourite piece of gym equipment). Nothing was ever boring, though at times it was hard and I think that's where balance comes into the equation. You need to enjoy what you're doing, but it needs to feel challenging enough to see improvements and changes. These improvements and changes are what make you want to continue and to power through. They are evidence of your hard work and proof of the strength you put into each session. So hopefully 4 to 6 weeks time and I'll see some kind of improvements.

I'm not weighing myself at the moment,a deliberate decision that I have made. It will do no good and so I am going to leave it alone...for now anyways. My goal weight I feel is always 9 and a half stone, with a 25/26 inch waist. Those are the figures I always have in my mind, because I know when I get down to that weight all the opportunities I'll have. Opportunities like wearing shorts and not minding, just the little things like that that make life that little bit easier.

And that's where I leave it for today. Hopefully next week will be just as successful.

xoChloexo

It's Time To Scale Back!

Hey Guys,

Today I tackled the scale head on this morning. I decided that not knowing was probably worse than knowing, and so with those weighed up options in mind I hopped onto the scale. Where 10 st 7.5 (147.5lbs) was flashing back up at me. It's there, it always is, and we all have a number that we think defines us. Not necessarily in weight, but we all put something on what we are worth or how we or others see us.

That number means I am up four pounds. But am I shocked? No, I am not. With how I have been eating on and off for the past six weeks, or however long it is, it is no surprise. But I am hoping with a little diet clean up and getting on my own back about exercise I can soon turn things around. 

I just keep telling myself that it's four pounds, and a manageable amount to get off in the next month. So, by October I hope for those four pounds to be gone, and then re-evaluate my mini goals from there. My ultimate longer-term goal is to be 9 stone 11 by the time I leave for Christmas. Which when looked at properly seems like an attainable goal. That number though (137) is ten and a half pounds down from where I am now. And if we were calculating from today, which of course we are that means there are fifteen weeks until the twenty first.

But say I lost a pound a week, I do realise that it leaves 5 weeks, and in these five weeks I hope to maintain before I go back here/home for Christmas. 

Well I have come up with a general plan. Now to make it happen. 

I will keep you guys update, mainly whenever I feel about it, and obviously keep checking the right-side bar to check out my weight, which will hopefully be moving down!

xoThanks for Readingxo

Are You Accountable?

The overriding question on my mind this week has been; is it time I became accountable again?

It has been weeks since I weighed in; hopped on the scale and jotted down my weight. Not only on the blog for everyone to see, but also for myself. I have been 'avoiding' it for all the wrong reasons, and not by choice. And so it's time I hopped on the scale and saw for myself the number flashing back. 

I am not going to lie to anyone, including myself, and it's the truth when I say the number sometimes defines me - no matter how much I shy away from it. Admittedly, it isn't the best way to think or go about it, but it's one of the things that I struggle to resolve - no matter how hard I try. It's the thing that always sneaks back up to bite me!

It may be decades before my issues with the scale are resolved. It may never end. Who knows? All I can say is that I am always working on it, and it has always been part of 'my search for an healthier life'. Although it is ongoing, I try not to think too hard about it, or let it get me down too much - and I am so glad that is the attitude I have now towards the scale. Before, especially in my early teens, the scale would break me down every-single-Saturday ('weigh-in day'). I would work out like crazy the day before, take water tablets and barely eat, and that's definitely something I tend to shy away from these days.

But with all that said, and out in the open, sometimes it helps and reassures me. It shows me that I am healthy, and respect my body. And when I am not it goes up dramatically, or goes down dramatically - depending on what way I have chosen to punish my body. But lately I've not been too kind to my body, this time though its 'more normal', and it's because of my enjoyment of life. Instead of denying myself food and sitting alone at home, or indeed doing the complete opposite and bingeing (I hate that word by the way), it has been because I've started to put myself out there again. Which I just can't seem to see as a bad thing.

Because I think of where I was a year from now, and am grateful for how much has changed! I seriously am. And for that I am proud of myself, which I have struggled with all through my teens. So yes, I do want to take steps (not-so-drastic) and soon to improve my health, which I hope to achieve just by diet and moderate exercise alone. At the moment I am missing my 'feel good' feelings. You know the ones?! The ones that you get from a clean healthy diet and daily exercising. That energised feeling where you want and feel as though you can accomplish everything. Yep, I want that back. I had it when I left Chelt and I swear I had it up until last month - but I just keep reminding myself that it's by no means too long gone to get it back. That it in fact is never too late to get it back, end of.

I've been doing better this entire first week of September. I have limited the treats and kept a daily food diary. I've even been getting some daily exercise in. And it feels exactly as I knew it would and always has done - it feels great to be back on the right track!

Oh, and also thank you to you guys too. In times of crisis this little ol' blog keeps me going.

xoThanks for Readingxo