143.25

I was just going to boil the kettle for my morning coffee, when I became curious. And I am afraid curiosity got this cat! I haven't weighed in since this time last month, and I wanted to know. I didn't have any expectations...I just wanted to peek.

I mean who's ever happy to find out their weight has gone up, but it's just a number and I know myself that it will eventually come off through better eating and more moving about. Like I said in the previous post, my exercise has been better than my eating and I have actually been making an effort with that. Now all I need to do is rein in my eating and the scale may move down as a bonus to feeling amazing stomach-wise.

My doctor keeps pestering me to keep a food diary, but I am afraid it just doesn't work for me. I may remember for a day, but when those 24 hours are up I am hopeless and it gets lost under all the paperwork on my desk. So I think maybe a photo diary is the way to go and eventually write it down at the end of the day.

Source                                      

Such a Great Thing to Remember!

Do you have any tricks for when the scale goes up? What reassures you?

xoThanks for Readingxo

Weekly Update.

Sophrosyne

(n.) a healthy state of mind, characterized by self-control, moderation, and a deep awareness of one's true self, and resulting in true happiness

This is my word of the day! And definitely reflects how I am feeling at the moment.


This week is one I am calling a success. Not only did I make both my University deadlines but I also got to the gym twice. Score.

On Monday and Wednesday I had deadlines and then on Tuesday and Thursday I hit the gym. And today I had to go class and then food shopping, so all in all not a bad attempt at a stressful week. Next week should revert back to normal. I should have my classes and then the rest is up to me. On top of the two classes I am taking this Semester I have my dissertation and on top of that I have to search and apply for jobs. So although I am only doing three hours in class every week this semester, I am definitely not going to be bored or have lots of free time.

In fact, this semester may actually be my busiest yet. Other than another deadline on Monday for a Creative Writing module I took last semester, I have no other deadlines until March. But I guess the dissertation and the job search are going to ongoing deadlines that I meet every week by chipping away at them.

I haven't come up with an exact plan yet, but I was thinking;

- One day dedicated to... Dissertation. - One day dedicated to...Job searching. - One day dedicated to assignments. and the rest I would change accordingly depending on the week. Obviously this isn't set in stone and I can swap around days depending on how I feel. But the most important thing is that I get my hours in for each and none of them become neglected, like I have done so, so, many times before.

Managing to get to the gym twice felt bad but so good at the same time. I felt good for dragging my butt there even though it was a busy week but I felt terrible! I have lost a bit of stamina and strength I think, which sucks. But I am hoping to work hard this semester and get it back! That's for sure. There's a chance I may be going on holiday in may and with that chance I am taking it in both hands and repping with it. If I don't go I still look good and feel good, right. So it's not for nothing.

My diet has been good, but not a hundred percent where I would like to be. But I keep reminding myself that with every meal I get another chance. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But by keep repeating it, I am hoping it's a habit that sticks.

I am basically heading in the right direction.

There's not a doubt in my mind that I am ever going to be "perfect". It's not what I strive for.  And that goes for both my body, my eating habits and my exercise frequency etc. It just not possible if you want to enjoy your life. There's needs to be a balance of everything, and I am finally getting to grips with it.

Well, it only took me twenty years haha.

I still haven't weighed myself and I am not sure when I want to face it, but right now I feel like I am doing ok without it. Maybe sometime next week?

I want to work on myself without looking at the scale. And at the moment I am ok with that. But next week...who knows.

xoThanks for Readingxo

Let's Set Some Goals Shall We?!

I feel as though this time of year is the time of year that I am always setting goals. The Christmas season is fast approaching and I always figure trying to eat healthier and more balanced now can only be better for you once the holidays and festivities are over.

Damn that was a long sentence... but since there are no take backs, I guess I'll just have to carry on.

So like I was saying it's that time of year, and as I am currently sitting here feeling a little too bloated for my liking, now's a good enough time than any to put fingers to keyboard and type.

I haven't really planned any goals out so I am just living in the moment and writing what comes to my head. My goals for once aren't going to be number based. In regards to weight I want to lose anyways. They will be targeted at the food I am eating and the exercise I want to get in.

Enough with the babbling so here goes.

I think there should be some main goals and habits that I focus on.

One - Portion Control. This has been a hit and miss lately. Some days I am not hungry at all and I have to force myself to eat something to keep my energy levels up. But then some days I can eat for England, and it's not always like I'm wolfing down chocolate - sometimes it's fruit too.

Two - Eat Less Carbs and More Meat and Veggies for Main Meals. My main meals have been getting more carby later and I need to go food shopping to ensure this doesn't become a habit. Being uncomfortably bloated is not something I want to become a common thing.

Three - Start doing more Weight and Strength Training. This just needs to become a thing. I have become so complacent when it comes to strength training like sit-ups etc and training with weights also. My cardio exercise has improved through the gym, but my strength isn't exactly at an all time high at the moment.

I think that's a good number of goals to be getting of with for now, and maybe I'll give weekly updates etc on how I've been getting on when it comes to achieving these things. These are the main things I feel that if and when I improve on them that I'll be feeling much better. More physically than anything because I have been feeling quite lethargic recently.

Anyways, there are my goals.

Do you have any current goals?

xoThanks for Readingxo

Lately I have been writing posts and not posting. I must have started and left twelve posts by now! Some are saved as drafts and some have already been deleted - even link-up posts.

I don't like the fact that I am withholding posts for one reason or another is right, and so I am going to set myself the task of posting once a day for the next week. These posts will be about whatever springs to mind at the time of writing the post and I will publish without edits. Scary for someone who re-reads their posts and edits every time, but a goal I am willing to succeed at.

I haven't weighed in in a couple of weeks, deliberately? Yes and No.

I have been wanting to know, but I feel I am going through one of those times in life where the scale can do no good - no matter what the number back flashes!

So instead I have just being trying to work on my eating and workouts. As for me they often go hand in hand things haven't been going too badly. But there's always room for improvement in and that's what I intend to do over the next few weeks, and hopefully right up until Christmas. Small changes only.

Things like more fluids, more exercise, more fresh air, less sugar and saturated fats. The basics that everyone is always trying to change and improve. But I could do with cutting down before Christmas happens.

I love this time of year, and I like to enjoy myself. There's more treats and more alcohol etc, which means I should attempt to tackle and challenge myself now.

So that's it for me. Enjoy your Thursday night.

And

xoThanks for Readingxo

It's Time To Scale Back!

Hey Guys,

Today I tackled the scale head on this morning. I decided that not knowing was probably worse than knowing, and so with those weighed up options in mind I hopped onto the scale. Where 10 st 7.5 (147.5lbs) was flashing back up at me. It's there, it always is, and we all have a number that we think defines us. Not necessarily in weight, but we all put something on what we are worth or how we or others see us.

That number means I am up four pounds. But am I shocked? No, I am not. With how I have been eating on and off for the past six weeks, or however long it is, it is no surprise. But I am hoping with a little diet clean up and getting on my own back about exercise I can soon turn things around. 

I just keep telling myself that it's four pounds, and a manageable amount to get off in the next month. So, by October I hope for those four pounds to be gone, and then re-evaluate my mini goals from there. My ultimate longer-term goal is to be 9 stone 11 by the time I leave for Christmas. Which when looked at properly seems like an attainable goal. That number though (137) is ten and a half pounds down from where I am now. And if we were calculating from today, which of course we are that means there are fifteen weeks until the twenty first.

But say I lost a pound a week, I do realise that it leaves 5 weeks, and in these five weeks I hope to maintain before I go back here/home for Christmas. 

Well I have come up with a general plan. Now to make it happen. 

I will keep you guys update, mainly whenever I feel about it, and obviously keep checking the right-side bar to check out my weight, which will hopefully be moving down!

xoThanks for Readingxo

What I Have "Been Trying To Eat" Wednesday

I didn't partake in the festivities last week, mainly because I didn't have anything really to share. I had been trying to eat more clean and ditch the junk all week. But as soon as I was halfway through my sandwich or pasta I would suddenly remember that I had forgotten to take a picture. And who wants to see half-hearted photos, with half-eaten sandwiches?

So I decided to just take the week out and participate again next week, and I am happy to report that I managed to get quite a few for this blogger link-up. And that I am actually quite proud of myself. I think it is always useful to take a sort of photo diary if you will, of everything you've eaten throughout the day. Even if you can do it for a few days, I always find it interesting to see what I am eating on a day to day basis. Anyways, I managed to keep my phone close (so excuse the quality of the photos, I know it's not the best) and snap photos of the food I was eating throughout the days of Mon-Thurs. The weekend came and I was way too distracted to find my phone and snap my food. So with that said here's what I have been eating mainly on weekdays.

Snacks. Popcorn. Mango. Mikado (Awesome Breadsticks Covered in Hazelnut Choc). Banana. Gala Apple. Cookies. Carrot Sticks. Krackawheat with PB and Sultanas. Malt Loaf with Margerine.

Main Meals. (Lunch + Dinners) 

Spicy Pasta with Cheese + Peppers and Red Onion. Fajita Chicken Wraps with Salsa and Mayo. (Top Right is actually a Roast Pork Dinner!). Southern Fried Chicken Strips with Brown Rice, Salad, Salsa and Mayo.

Breakfasts. Bacon has been a feature in my life, my mom and sister are huge fans! Boiled Eggs. Bananas (Always, I swear I eat two a day now. Whoopsy!) + Cereal: Bran Flakes with Raisins, Sunflower Seeds and Milk. Porridge with Almond Milk and Nutella.

Happy WIAW :-D

Thanks Jenn for hosting this Party!

Have you been a serial snacker lately, like me?

I am but I have been working on it.

Anybody else trying to eat a bit better lately?

I had fallen back into bad habits again. It's ok to have a packet of crisps once in a while, but not everyday!

How does everybody else feel about Cereal Toppers?

Lately I cannot get enough of cereal toppings. I have been adding Raisins, Honey, Nutella, and Sunflower Seeds to my cereal whenever I get the chance.

A Weighty Subject

As I am getting ready to go home for Summer I am struggling with all the things I want to get out of my Summer weight loss and fitness wise (improving). I haven't done a weight update in weeks, and when I weighed in this morning I saw 10.1 stone (and three quarters) flash before me. Which considering it's that time of the month and I haven't been eating my cleanest, it was amazing I lost anything at all let alone I didn't gain. So I've accepted the number on the scale for this week and I'm moving forward into a new week. Moving forward means last week has gone and is staying in the past. Where it should be.

But my thoughts this entire week have been going back and forth. How's Summer going to go? What about if it's not successful?  And all the rest of it. It's just pessimistic questions that I can't even answer for another few months, right? So, why am I letting them bother me?

This I have many answers for...

It's happened in the past. I've had high goals for summer, and I've actually ended up back peddling!

My outlook on life is to think about the worst thing that can happen first. Something that I've been improving on in recent months with the aid of therapy. It's a safety technique I developed in my early teens. That way whatever happens will be far better than previously imagined.

I have never trusted the process before. Something which I am getting better at.

The list could go on and on but you get the general idea. It's only until recently that my weight loss way of thinking has switched. When I was younger it was all about losing the most weight I could and being the skinniest I could. But I feel this year weight loss has taken a different turn mentally and physically, and it's time to put it into practice. To go for it and know if I fail I can always try again.







You get the idea.

Try, try again and if that doesn't work try some more. Journeys aren't meant to be a walk in the park. They are meant to challenge you, challenge your outlook  So, you come through the other side a better you, a you who you are proud of.

For me it's no longer about how much weight I can lose. It's about improving my fitness each day, each week and watching that side of me grow stronger. I want to be strong, not thin. I believe that that strength lies within me and that like any muscle in my body if I train and strengthen it it will grow. I was thinking about how much weight do I want to lose, and that's when I realised for me that although I want to maintain a certain weight, it's not the bee all and end all. That there's more to it. I'm 5ft7/5ft8 and I currently weight 10.1 (+0.75). And that number is fine with me. But to get the body I want I must maintain my current effort and then some. I need to exercise regularly, something that has made an appearance in my life every now and then  but never on a continuous basis. Something which I hope to have changed by the end of the year, but saying that I need to live in the now and focus on the coming week and stop worrying about the future.

I am still going to strive to make my diet as balanced with goodness as possible, but I don't want to become obsessed or annoyed if I have a "bad" day. Bad days are going to happen, but as long as the good outweigh the bad everything should balance out naturally.


I think this is what I'm aiming for and trying to say.



I'm finally doing it and "wanting" to do it the healthy way. It's took me months to lose 15 pounds so far but I want to make sure those pounds stay off. Like many I find maintenance harder than losing, which is why I am not trying to pay it too much attention. Or even refer to it as "maintenance". I'm just living the life I love, and that's enough for me.





Does anybody else struggle to "maintain"?

What's the part you struggle with the most when it comes to maintenance?

Have a great bank holiday weekend!

Limbo + Weigh-In

I feel like I am in limbo right now. Ever had that feeling? You're getting stuff done but going nowhere all in the same moment/movement?! Well that's what I feel like right now. I have always felt that spring/easter break has always came at the right and wrong time. Right time because I am exhausted but wrong time because my momentum for studying is always on a high before break. And then after break BAM, where'd the momentum go?

I can feel it slowly returning to me, just wish it would get its jog on!

Moving on...
I haven't weighed in in 4 weeks now and I am unhappy that I've gained 3.75 pounds but at the same time I am just accepting that number and moving on to the next week, where I am hoping to lose at least 1.75 of those pounds. I don't know why but I hate .75's they drive me crazy! So, this week I am going to focus on tracking my calories in, and trying to get some small workouts in just for some movement. Which is going to be hard over the next 6 weeks because it is the end of semester 3 soon, which means the year is coming to a close and things around here are becoming stressful, with deadlines every week and end of year classes coming to a close.

I kind of feel like I suddenly don't have enough time to get done what I want to get done, but I need to remind myself to take it one step at a time and tick off one thing on my list at a time. No matter how long that list feels. It's all about prioritising for me these next few weeks, not balance which is what I normally strive for. My goal is to prioritise things on my list and get them done. I need to realise that end of term also means Summer is coming. I really hope it brings the weather with it! But Summer is coming and so there will be plenty of free time shortly, and in that a few months time I will be no doubt moaning about I miss a hectic schedule and my usual Uni routine!

I have seven weigh-ins before I return home and I am going to make every single one count, no matter how hectic things seem at the moment. I am aiming for at least a pound in weight loss every week, but I'd like 1.5 pounds if I am honest.

With exercise it's going to be about getting in small workouts until this stressful period is over on the 14th of May. I will try and share what I am doing as far as workouts go here on my blog. And obviously I will be showing a snapshot of my food on WIAW =D

I have found a few good workouts that I want to try, and that I'll be sharing in a post soon. I will probably start the squatting challenge tomorrow!

Happy Friday =D

Weigh-In Update

So, I have been thinking what to write all day at work. That is in between the time I actually got to think today. Work was busy! But in a good way :D

Anyways, this morning I got on the scale I am a little more swollen than last week, and my eating and working out have taken a back-seat. Not entirely but it has definitely been affected this week. It's a new week right?

I did lose weight this week. Only half a pound. But then I say that and it sounds soo negative right? "Only" just shouldn't be in front of that. I guess a loss is better than a gain and before hand I told myself a loss or the same would do me fine. But then I saw the number and it left me conflicted, and it didn't sit well with me. I should be jumping for joy. A loss is a loss and it's all going towards something, something great, and I feel great. I am now 142 (10 st 2). But then I thought how am I going to feel seeing that 13 in front of the last digit, and you know what? Will it really make me feel that different? And I don't think it will. I mean it has in the past, but always in the end the number means nothing to me. In a way anyways, yes at the moment the number holds some importance. But I have realised when I feel great, that's what really counts. The flat stomach, the energy, that FEELING!

We all know that feeling, and at times I live for that :D

So I am going into this week with a clear head, it's a new entirely different week that we can never get back and I am going to make the most of it. That's MY decision. I want to feel great and I deserve to. So bring it on :D

I will be doing a post about my set-up for the week on Sunday. Have a great weekend! Just remember this for now.

Weigh-In Update

So, my massive (to me) weight loss wasn't exactly a shock this morning. I have really been suffering with my stomach lately (as previously mentioned), and I can't wait to go to the doctors again for my blood test results. I am hoping something shows up because at least it would give me an explanation of why I am in so much pain.

Anyways, this week I lost 3.25 lbs, which is a lot for me. Don't know how this will effect my weight loss next week. I am way more wary of losing weight quick this time because I want so badly to keep it off, but again that all depends on me and I have realised now that I have that power and control! I think my weight loss is by no means too much. Since September I have lost 15 lbs, with 11 pounds coming from this semester alone. But when you average it out it's less than 1.5lbs a week which is within the normal range, and I guess as I get closer to target (9st 7lbs) losing weight will become harder and slower. Or not, you never know! But I am definitely focusing more on how I feel this time, and I love feeling like this :D

My goal for March was to get under 10 stone (140lbs) and I am now more confident that that goal is attainable. But we will see there's still over 3 weeks of March left and I am home at the end of the month so I feel as though it would be good to make a plan of action.

Another issue I will probably face is weighing myself in another room, on another floor, but with the same scale. Does anyone else like weighing in on the same scale, in the same room, on the same floor, at the same day and time? Well, that will be taken away from me for two weeks. I want and need to be accountable to me by still weighing in but I also am a little nervous and wary about how much those factors will affect my weight.

I am trying to stay positive and move on into a new week :D Enjoy the weekend.

Weigh-In Update

I made it! In fact I surpassed it. To tell you the truth I thought I had gained. I know I am such a pessimistic person. I am down 1.5lbs. Which means I surpassed February's goal to get past 147 lbs. I am still contemplating my weight loss goal for March as I write this post. And I think I know the barriers that are in my way. It's basically me. I am in my own way as per usual. This is always the way for me. I am either my own best friend or my own worst enemy.

When I get back home there are things I will do differently, like I have mentioned before in recent posts, and I need to remember going home doesn't mean weight gain, bad habits and laziness. I just need to take everyday as it comes and become balanced. It will be the same this summer when I go home, although it feels like ages away, it will come along before we know it. And then it will be Christmas again, though let's not get that ahead of ourselves.

I think I should say a number and do what I can to achieve that number. Think positive, and if I fail then I will cross that bridge when I come to it. For now I am going for it!

So, my next mini-goal is obviously to get under 140lbs but if I don't make it this month then that will be ok too, as long as I get close enough to smash it next month. I  want this weight to come off and stay off, after all.

So, I guess I am saying 5.75lbs. Yeah that's how much I want to lose :D There you have it.

Weigh-In Update #2

I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scales quickly this morning before heading out quite early for a Friday (for me anyways). It I was down another 1.25lbs. Score! because I honestly didn't think with what week it was I'd be down any, I had actually prepared myself mentally for a gain.

I use Livestrong and so at the beginning of the week I moved my calorie goal from - losing 1 lb to 1.5 lbs as I'd gone over repeatedly over the weekend, and that wasn't even including the alcohol I had drunk. (A lot of wine - so not the most diet friendly alcohol drink).

This week I am working towards ending February on a positive note, as my goal was to be under 147lbs and that means I have 0.25lbs to go! Need to make this goal. Can't wait to be under 147! I haven't decided what my goal for March will be yet. Hmm I have time to ponder it I guess. I'll return on Sunday with my goal. But I go home late March for a couple of weeks, and for some reason I feel slightly out of control when I am at home, or I should say less in control. Here at Uni I am in control of everything, especially food. And if I don't buy it, I don't eat it! Simple as. Now at home it's not practical to do that, because my mom has to buy items I normally wouldn't for my younger siblings. But I have to remember I am in control in all situations, and I am the one making the choices and decisions whether to eat something or not and it is the same with exercise. It's on me and only I can decide.

Well... this has turned into a way more in depth post than I started with. I just wanted to do my usual Friday weigh-In check in.

And on that note... Enjoy your weekend everyone.

I am spending mine working and trying not to get sick!

Comparisons. Healthy or not?

Brittany over at gothextramile did a post about Comparisons, in particular comparing ourselves to others. I am guilty of this too and it happens often. I guess it's normal for us as humans to compare ourselves to each other all the time. I am not saying it's healthy, just normal. But this behaviour can be destructive, especially to your self-esteem.

I always try to treat myself how I treat others and how I want them to treat me. Sure I slip-up sometimes. But, who doesn't? These lessons are there to be learned from, and they are serious lessons in life.

You can either judge and compare yourself with others, or you can see yourself separate from everyone else. One person can't be compared to/with the next  We all come from different backgrounds, different places and it isn't fair to judge yourself using somebody else's template.

It's great that we are all different. We can learn from each other, and add to our own personality, rather than adapt ourselves to fit somebody else's image. That's a big part of why I decided to stop buying cheap, celeb gossip magazines. It wasn't healthy for me to even flick through them. Now if I am going to invest my money in magazines I buy Running or Fitness magazines. Magazines that I can learn healthy habits from, magazines that aren't going to put me down and make me feel inadequate.

Here are some reminders, some positive thoughts to remember today and beyond. It's good to refer back to them at times where you are feeling low.

Stop comparing yourself to others. You are the only one, there's not another you.

Weigh-In Update

This week has been rough emotionally to say the least. I got caught up in low moods and feeling sorry for myself. Well it's a new week and I get a new chance to try it all over again.

My Weight this week stabilised at 148.5, so no change from last week. I am glad I maintained and didn't gain after the amount of Nutella I consumed this week, not to mention double pancakes. 

I've also only worked out this week once, which seems like a waste as I'm still on Paris countdown. But I guess I should just use it as a lesson not a week wasted. This week I want to make up for it. I know I'm capable it's just getting around to doing it. I need a plan for my week starting today.

So, this is what I've come up with! To be changed according to my work and Uni schedule.

                

Sat 16/02 - Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred

               - 10 Minutes Strength Arms, Back and Shoulders (Before dvd).

Sun 17/02 - Run outside w/ My Best Friend.

Mon 18/02 - Jillian Michaels DvD (To be decided)

                  - Check out swimming at our local lesiure centre.

Tues 19/02 - 10 Minutes Strength Arms, Back, Shoulders.

                   - 10 Minutes Strength Legs, Butt, Calfs.

                   - 5 Minutes Abs Strength.

Weds 20/02 - Jillian Michaels DvD (To be decided).

Thurs 21/02 - Repeat Tuesday (Similar)
                    - Yoga.

It's just a template, but it is more likely to get done if I ink it in so to speak. Lately I've been so tired in general that I've had no motivation to anything but Uni work and vegetate. This is weird to say my sleeping pattern is just getting good again, not too much and not too little. Hope I have just jinxed it (cus you know I'm 5 and still believe in jinxes).

My goal for this week is to lose 1.5 lbs that would mean I would have already made my goal for February. Anyways, I am hoping to have a productive and relaxed weekend.

Enjoy your weekend :D I know I will!

P.S - I think I'm finally coming out of my funk. Thank you know what xoxo

A Weighty Subject

So, this week I am down 4.25 lbs. Granted most of it was probably water weight from that time of the month, but this week I feel as though I have hit a turning point. Though this point is small it opens up doors I thought had been closed off. I haven't been this weight since the beginning of last summer. Since then I've hovered in the early 150's, which I wasn't always happy with to say the least.

I feel like I am getting my life back which is sad but true, and my weight's a big part of that. If I'm happy or maybe a better word would be content (with life). I'm lighter both mentally and physically and it's just part of a much bigger package.

This week as you can see from my posts I'm beginning to get back into the swing of things when it comes to working out. Day 1 was definitely the hardest, but as I get that mental strength back the physical strength is just there regardless. I want to keep it going and I am just 1.5 lbs away from this months goal, so hopefully I can make that and then surpass it.

One of my goals for this month was to start tracking again on LiveStrong.Last year it was my most valuable tool, but after a while it also became boring and monotonous and so I ended up giving it up. But as soon as I tracked the first couple of days I realised where I was going wrong and it so I was able to resolve these little issues without much of a problem.

It's all about learning what works for me again and retraining my mind and body to remember these good/healthy habits I'm acquiring again.

These are the things keeping me going this week:

Love this film, but it's also a great saying.

Need this top! And it is always a good reminder why I'm doing what I'm doing.

We all have those bad days but it's a nice reminder that although you're having a bad day, it doesn't mean it's a bad  life.

So true! Sometimes I forget that and get caught up in society's thoughts and images etc.

Need to remember this when I'm lifting weights. To push through because I want to be a BEAST.

I need to remember this. It's life to eat and indulge in both good and bad things. But you need to let the good outweigh the bad. Though the bad doesn't ruin all the good, as long as the bad is consumed in moderation.

I need to remember this when certain peoples comments or actions get to me.

It's Just Weight Right?

Lately the scale doesn't seem to be shifting. Now, logically I know why that is. I need to eat better, get my fruit and veggies in and I need to begin consistently working out again. The truth is I guess I'm scared to fail. I've been all weights and sizes, and most of them have been unhealthy. I don't eat so too low. I overeat I go back up to a healthy yet high weight for my height and I don't feel good. And that's why I'm making a good go at this blog. I want to have accountability. I want to have balance.

So at the moment the scales hovering around 149.5-150.25. I know not a big fluctuation considering what the time of the month it is. But it still gets me down and makes me disappointed with my food choices and lack of exercise choices. I mean when I am at Uni I'm walking everywhere. To class, into town to get my shopping. I don't generally stop, but I think I need to start making a better go at things.

When I found this on Pinterest this morning after I'd weighed in, it really resonated with me. Because up until I had weighed in I was doing and feeling fine. So why the change?

Speaking of exercise, when I'm working out it's fine. I'd go as far as saying I enjoy it. I enjoy the sweat and the achiness of the different muscles the day after. But for me it's consistency and the determination to get going that's difficult for me. But I think it could only be for the best to get moving and start going.

I'm excited to go. But at the moment not so excited about getting my bare legs out!

I'm going to Paris in June with my best friend and like I mentioned at the bottom of the previous post I'd like to lose 15/20 lbs before I go. But making sure I do it the healthy way, eating fresher more natural foods and exercising on a regular basis. I used to love exercising when I was younger but that's before it became an obsession to purposely walk everywhere even if people offered me a lift or to lift weights even though I'd barely eaten all day. The things that made these choices unhealthy were my mentality. The actual things I were doing would have been fine if my diet and thoughts were healthy but they weren't. And it's something that's haunted me for years.

Hopefully over the weeks leading up to Paris I can deal with some of these issues through balance of diet and exercise.

As my blog title reads I'm just a girl Searching For A Healthier Life.

Body Image Real or Not Real?

I've been struggling with body image again in the last week more than usual. I mean it's not unusual. I normally always have body image struggles and hang ups, whether I'm getting ready for a night out or just going to class. But it get's worse the more healthier I try to be - if that makes sense? Well for me it's always been that way anyways. Even since my early teens, maybe even before that who knows! Well lately I can feel the anxiety building when I have to put on clothes and go some where, or even just taking a shower triggers the same feelings. Anyway I'm trying to solve the issue and make it easier to live with right now. And I've been thinking exercise in whatever form is the way to go- build it up little by little and regain my strength slowly. So I'm going to work on consciously adding that in, starting small like I said.

Hopefully it helps, and I regain some control back over my negative thoughts.