Doing Things Just For Doings Sake

I have been done with University for the past month and a half now and it's stressful trying to get a job. Trying to maintain a routine has been key to not having a full fledged breakdown, but I'd be lying if I said that I haven't been struggling. And struggling I have, big time. Since my birthday meltdown last month I have been getting by pretty well, but not having a job nor an education to work towards is getting on my nerves. Having a job means having a routine and something to keep my mind preoccupied.

I've gone from having a job and being a university undergraduate, to being unemployed and it's beginning to take its toll. I know most grads would be jumping at the chance to relax after all the hard-work they've just put in to their degree, but I am ready to get out there already. The problem is I have social anxiety/anxiety and it is sometimes a problem doing everyday tasks and so I often question how I am going to survive in the real world that faces me. Will I completely fail? Will I cower and avoid situations that make me feel uncomfortable? All these questions are negative, of course, that's the way my brain works. It naturally jumps to the negative and that's something I am working on, improving the way I see and perceive situations.

But with all this in mind, during my small strength and resistance workout this morning, I found myself pondering the idea am I doing it to prove a point? Am I just doing things for doings sake? As people we do this on a daily basis, we do things just to go through the motions. There's no enjoyment in the task at all, but it needs to get done. Like washing up the plates, or doing the laundry, because if we don't, who will? But there are certain things that we need to drop because they don't make us feel good and it's unnecessary to put ourselves through that.

These thoughts and emotions stem from my looming Graduate Assessment day, but the thing is that it's for a position that I don't even want. But neither do I know what I want to do, so should I just go for it? Probably wasting both my time and my money on buying train tickets to get there. Or should I kindly phone up and say that I won't be attending. If it's not something you want to do, should you continue ahead and do it anyway is the question I am asking? If I was offering advice to someone else, I would say forget it, phone up and cancel. And maybe that's the advice I should follow myself.

I'm not someone who left University knowing what they wanted to do, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, but I am only now realising that. Everybody has their own path to follow and at the moment I am definitely feeling lost. But I can't help think that feeling 'lost' is a kind of luxury, a luxury I can only afford for a while longer. Time and money are both running thin and I need to have a serious think about what I want to do and how to go about achieving that. If that means taking classes and working retail, then that should be the path I follow.

I think this is enough rambling from me. It is time to get on with the rest of the day, including a trip up the A&E with the mother for her messed up eye.

xoChloexo 

Taking A Moment...

...to breathe. Because there is nothing wrong with that, and sometimes that's just what we need to do. Lately, I have found myself taking moments. In these moments I take deep breaths and think about what I need to do logically. And then I write down those things in a list...this makes me feel immediately a little bit better.

(Source) via Pinterest

This gives me what I need to get the ball rolling, and before you know it things start happening and your list shrinks in length. I strongly dislike feeling overwhelmed, like nothing will ever get done. It weighs you down in too many ways and makes you drag yourself around life - rather than bouncing around it in strides.

This entire week feels like a blur, like nothing really happened and I never really got going. I know it's only Thursday and that there's still time to get a few things ticked off my list. But I have also been feeling lethargic, tired and irritable. And I have to remind myself that this isn't anybody else's problem but my own. Another thing I have to remember. We all have our days, and I'm no different. But on those days it is really easy to take it out on the people around you, and that's definitely not fair.

(Source) via Pinterest

Last night, whilst getting ready to go out, I realised how far I have come in a year and for that I am grateful. Sure, I have wished that I had felt this way years ago but I cannot change that, all I can change is the present and the future. These are the things we need to cling on to. Then it got me thinking about the people who helped me get there, my mom (but she's always there) and secondly my CBT therapists. Sue and Jane really helped me turn my world around and gave me back control over my own life. I have been meaning to write them a letter for ages now and I think it's about time I got on with it...after all, it's always nice to know that people appreciate what you do.

(Source) via Pinterest

My eating at the moment is off and on. One moment I can't stop eating and then the next I don't want anything at all. Unfortunately at the moment I am stuck in the first category. I haven't set my weekly goals this week and I think that may be something to do with it. But I also weighed myself the other day and I made a weight goal, which is something I haven't done in a while! And I think it has thrown me off, because that's not the way I work any more. I used to live by the scale and by the numbers, but now (maybe not forever) it's not working for me. Sure, I want to lose weight and get stronger through exercise - but not using that method. That's where I am struggling...

What method do I use?! With all my medical problems, especially with my stomach. It makes things difficult to gage when eating, and I find myself questioning when is best to eat, if I am even hungry. And I think that sometimes I over think things. Shouldn't it be simple. You can be hungry, not hungry or peckish, right? I guess not. I don't want to diet or go on a crazy fast or anything, but I do want to re-establish some goals again. Maybe, I have goals for the month again but readdress them every week with a post on how I am getting on? 

As you can tell, I am feeling a bit lost and down in the dumps at the moment. And I hate to be all doom and gloom but I also don't want to be dishonest and post about sunshine and rainbows when they aren't there!

I just need to re-focus everything, and come up with a plan. Not starting tomorrow either, starting after I finish this post.

Goals for the rest of February:

*Exercise at least 3 times a week.

*Don't eat after 7

*Drink plenty of fluids

*Listen to my body

The first three are my usual goals but the last one is a little different. I've included that one because I haven't been doing this as much as I could. I need to start getting to bed earlier, having some me time, and eating when I want to what I want to. Now I'm not going to eat all the chocolate in my cupboard just to satisfy a craving, but I am going to figure out what I'm craving i.e Sugar, Carbs, Meat and then seek out a healthier choice.

Fingers crossed that by the end of the month I am in a different position entirely, and I am feeling a bit better. This months only a short one and there are only 22 days left, but I really want to make them count!

I hope so! (Source) via Pinterest

How often do you set yourself goals?

and...

How often do you re-assess them?

xoThanks for Readingxo

July Round-Up and August Goals

July

In General

As the end of the seventh month wraps up, I couldn't be gladder to wave goodbye to July. It has been a long month and a lot has happened don't get me wrong but I wouldn't want to repeat this month if somebody paid me. No Joke. Looking back on the month through various things such as; the blog, my personal diary, and my calendar that I keep on my bedroom wall. It is clear to see that a lot has happened. I got a car and I am so grateful that my mom was able to help me sort all of that out. She really is a lifesaver and there to help me when I need her. So I am grateful for her. 

Exercise

Exercise started off well this month, but soon turned to crap and pretty quickly. I only worked out half of the days - not good enough (for me). Half way through, I am unsure whether it was because I wasn't taking adequate breaks between workouts or what, but my energy has been at an all time low and my legs have been feeling like lead. I googled it (as I do with everything) and it suggested I wasn't replenishing myself properly, something to do with electrolytes. So I need to come up with ways to keep me going for longer. I don't know it is definitely something I want to work on next month. I started strength training again this month, so maybe that's also what did it?! But one of the biggest differences I have noticed is that when I don't exercise now I feel "jiggly" and "less tightened", and I had been previously enjoying that tight feel that comes from working out consistently. Something I definitely want to get back next month.

Oh another thing I haven't mentioned is my Polar Watch has not been working properly in over a week, really hoping I don't have to shed out money for a new one! I've only had it 18 months. Does anybody know whether this is the average life of a Polar Watch? Let me know.

Diet and Eats

On this front things haven't been that great if I am completely honest with myself, and my weigh-ins reflect this. The bottom line is I have spent the month avoiding my responsibilities, end of. And in every sense of the word too. August is a month I am going to hold myself responsible and get going. It will be my month of productivity. 

Ok back to rambling about July, instead of August.

I think it was possibly coming back from Paris, it through me a little. But bad things have started finding their way back into my diet. Just junk like; Crisps, Takeout, Chocolate, Biscuits etc. And too much of it! So I think I need a month just to banish them almost completely. Maybe saving room for treats but that's all they should be, occasional not everyday.

Work and Uni Work

Didn't get much done of either. It's not that I am too lazy to get a job, but I thought we were going on holiday and every place I was applying for wanted people to cover their regulars who were on holiday and so that wasn't to work out! But I also didn't get that much Uni work done either. I made a start but so much more could have been done.

For those wondering, the stickers are the days I worked out.

August

1. Limit the following; Bread, Pasta, Rice, Cheese, Sweets, Chocolate, Biscuits, Sweets, Crisps.
2. Do something Exercise-Wise (No matter how little) - Atleast Every other day.
3. Get Productive.
4. Get a Job.
5. Work on Dissertation.
6. Re-read Books for Dissertation.
7. Research into Jobs after Uni.
8. Look into Races.
9. Run Outside.
10. Socialise more!
11. Practice Driving more in my Car.

Errmm... I think that is it. But like always things will get added and adjusted.

But overall I am just glad to be starting another month.

What I Ate "Tuesday"!

I think this weeks WIAW post deserves a hip hip hooray, and want to know why?! Because I finally managed to record Tuesdays eats and drinks. Woohoo :-D Very proud of myself for remembering yesterday. The only things missing are a couple of grapes and a slice of Chicken sandwich meat. Yay yay yay.

So today you will be seeing everything I ate yesterday. It definitely won't depict a picture of health but it's what I ate and I am going to be true to it and not add anything in or out. It's always hard for me to show people the "not so perfect" side to me, but it is what it is.

Without further a do, here are my eats and drinks.

Banana

Wholemeal Toast with Margarine and Light Laughing Cow Cheese

With Normal Tea (just milk). Later in the day I enjoyed some Honey Tea. A favourite of mine again!

Raspberry and Green Tea Water (Still), Boiled Potatoes with leftover Veg, and Mango.

This stuff is amazing. It's the first time I have tried it and I an impressed. This is from Asda and I would highly recommend it.

Chicken Jalfrezi (Curry) with Pilau Rice and a Naan Bread. It Hit the spot!

I had one of these and they are so good. I really need to try and make my own. No picture of the actual cookie as I had half eaten it before I took a photo. Like I said soooo good :-D

Craved these later on in the night!

In August I have a goal to eat better but for this last day I am going to ease myself into it.

But there will definitely be an "August Goals" post coming soon. Stay Tuned.

Happy Wednesday and WIAW :-D

Thanks to Jenn for Hosting :-D

Anybody else have plans to eat better in August?

Or are there any particular goals you are setting yourself to achieve before next WIAW?

Does anyone else always start their day with a piece of fruit?
I always have a banana. Don't know why. I guess I am too impatient to wait for breakfast to get done!