Update: Mid-August

On Friday morning, I seriously considered getting on the scale and peaking at the number. Like I said I "considered" it, but I didn't follow through. On this blog I have mentioned my "funny feelings" many times, and when I feel like something isn't meant to be I steer clear. I am definitely a person who goes off how they feel, and the way I choose to live my life is no exception. Don't get me wrong many would class me, and even I would class myself as a very level headed person, with spontaneity definitely not being my strong suit. But like I said on Friday I had a sneaky feeling creeping in my belly that warned me that to even entertain the thought of stepping on those tables.

All my life I have struggled and sometimes failed to find balance, and sometimes I have lost myself in the attempt to try and always maintain a certain balance. At the moment this battle is definitely taking its toll, and its time to stop letting myself down once again. I need to go food shopping tomorrow to cook a few meals, and get in all the fruit and veggies I can. It's time to start only eating takeaways and fast food occasionally again, and swap the bad snacks of crisps and chocolate for the better snacks of crackers (possibly), fruit and veggie sticks. It just has to be done now, and I owe it to myself.

I need to get out for walks if I don't want to "workout". I need to stop putting off applying for jobs. I need to get the reading I need to get done done. Because if I am honest time is running out, and feeling this way is not helping anything. I need to be my own person and stand on my own two feet. I keep remembering what I learnt from my CBT sessions, and I keep saving myself. But I keep questioning how many times I can do this in such a short space of time.

I am sure it will get better, but the "how" and "when" is still up to me, and sometimes I have to remind myself of that.

And it's time to let the past couple of months stay in the past!

xo Thanks for reading xo