The Journey...So Far

So I've struggled with my weight nearly all my life, and definitely all of my teen and adult life so far. I'd say all my weight troubles started when I was 8. When I was 8 years old I developed a bad case of asthma, that never went away until I was 14. I struggled with the simple activities I always loved and enjoyed growing up; dancing, bike rides, and just being an all around active kid. I was tall for my age and skinny but taking the steroids for my asthma really saw me put the weight on, continuously  not stopping until I was tipping the scales at 11 stone. Now that may not seem like much and I guess I was carrying some baby fat or whatever. But I was 12 years old and seeing all my friends who were seven/eight stone really started to get to me, and seeing my mom go on diets in the past she had told me she had started Slimming World. Straight away, without a doubt, I wanted to join. I wanted this weight gone from my body, once and for all.

It was great in my first week I lost 4lbs. I remember so crystal clear as if it was only yesterday  and I felt so good. I was finally back in the tens. That year I kept losing slowly, making simple changes to my diet. You know: fruit for snacks, smaller portions, drinking more water. The little things that count.And by the time we went on holiday in December of that year I had lost another 6lbs. It was all about smaller losses, eating healthy and being consistent. Little did I know I had caught the diet bug, and I wanted to lose as much weight as I could. The next year I stayed the same, hovering between 10.3 and 10.4. But the year after that I had some personal changes happen in my life, and that's when my issues with eating really began.

It was the summer I turned 15 and I'd managed to get down to 9.10 before we left school for the summer holidays. I was getting up regimentally early, eating the same breakfast I always ate (branflakes [same brand], with sultanas and 2% milk), and drinking the same two cups of coffees I always drank before getting ready and leaving for school. It never changed. At dinner I'd eat crackers with cheese, or pasta with tuna and then have fruit or carrot sticks. Sometimes I wouldn't eat at all at dinner times. I'd chew gum and suck on sugar free mints, trying to ignore the hunger pains in my stomach.

That summer I slept a lot, looking back I was suffering with severe depression. I hardly left the house, a classic tell tale sign, I had no appetite. I think my days worth of food and drink was; branflakes and coffee, nothing else would be allowed. By the time I went back to school in the fall I was down to 9.2, and by December I had done it. I was 8 stone 7 and seriously under weight. That was the December I had been referred to a gynaecologist for my lack of periods, later finding out I had PCOS. This just added to the depression, but the next year the weight I had lost went straight back on, whether down to the pill I was on or my eating habits, it was piling back on and fast. By the summer I was back up to 10 stone. And then the cycle started again going on and on, round and round. It has been nearly 5 years this summer and I'm still struggling with balance. It's getting better, but not my much, sometimes it feels like I'll never get better, be normal. But that's why I started this blog. I want to search for that healthier life, that happy medium, where both mind and body are happy.

That was my past and this is my future. Thanks for reading.

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