Friday, 5 April 2013

It's Been A While

It has been a while since I have wrote on the blog. It's not intentional, we just still don't have internet at the new house back home. It sucks and it is very frustrating. I had to access the internet all on my phone and for some reason it wouldn't let me write blog posts.

Anyways, I'm back and hopefully by the time I go back for Summer there will be internet.

Moving on to what's been happening lately... I'm struggling. For the past three weeks now. My motivation is practically nowhere to be seen and the determination that I had at the end of Feb/ start of March has fizzled out. In my attempt to get it back it has been psychologically and mentally draining, not to mention the way my  body is making me feeling at the moment.

I've been trying to keep the exercise up over the Easter holidays. Mainly the treadmill because at home is where my treadmill's at, plus it's so convenient to just hop on the treadmill and do my thing. Out of 14 days I probably got exercise in 8 times, which is the best short break at home so far. I didn't nail it, far from it but I tried and didn't quit. So I guess that's something to be proud of.

But I desperately want to put this struggle behind me. I haven't weighed myself in 3 weeks now, so don't know exactly what I weigh. But hopefully when I get on the scale sometime in the next couple of weeks it won't be too frightening. Not going to weigh myself straight away, so I am not on a complete downer. I still hate that after all this time I am still letting the scale dictate to me. Over my feelings and how I act and feel. But for now I have to accept it, until I can figure out a way to not let it bother me. It's not going to be easy and it's definitely something that is going to happen over night, but hopefully one day it won't matter to me as much as it does today.

It's time to get it back and I'll be blogging about it over here probably constantly just trying to keep my sanity! I am going to set new goals and post later on about what I've decided.

This is the thing I struggle with most and the thing that everything in my life sadly revolves around. I cherish the day it's the other way round, but for now that is how I feel.

I watched the televised Oxford vs Cambridge Boat race the other day and just like it did last year it inspired me. Not to row as such but to strive and train hard and do what I have to to in a way beat myself. I am aware that I am my worst if only enemy and I it's time I step up to the mark. I want to beat this and I believe I can, but time involves patience something I am getting better with.

Well that's it for now. I just wanted to get the thoughts that are constantly replaying in my head put down.

Thanks for Reading and have a great weekend :D

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