Growing up I strictly didn't allow "bad" food into my diet. That meant when my family or friends ate at fast food places like Mcdonald's or Burger King I would wait and then cook my own food at home. This gave me the control I constantly desired. It was during a hard time in my life, where being the age I was all I could control was my food and so that's what I did.
There's something about eating fast food, even until this very day that unnerves me. But I'm sure I am not the only one. Still to this day I don't eat it that often when I am away at University, because I am in control. But when I am back home and not paying for the food I eat, I feel a bit rude not accepting and eating the food. Not always, sometimes I can easily say know but lately I haven't been. I think well I am hungry, why not? But then it will play in my mind for the rest of the day, if not the next day and that's what doesn't sit right with me.
Don't get me wrong I am accepting full responsibility for these actions. I do have the power to reject the food and say no. It's nobody else's fault, and we all hold the same responsibility over our actions and that's what I am going to get back this week. Starting Tomorrow I am going to say no to all fast food. The reason why is simple. I don't like the way it feels after I eat it. Sure, I find it delicious when I am eating it. But I still believe fast food should be a monthly treat. Not something to indulge in daily, it serves no real purpose than to fill a temporary gap, and for me it just isn't worth it. End of.
Now on Tuesday and Wednesday I am not at home, so eating will be easier. I have had real issues over food and home over the years. I am either under eating or overeating and this summer I've been doing quite well to not only maintain an ok-ish weight but also what I've been eating etc. I still have the believe that everyday is a new day, a fresh start. Just like I still believe every meal is a fresh start. Just because I ate a sausage and egg Mcmuffin this morning, doesn't mean my next meal is going to be atrocious. And that's what I keep trying to remind myself.
So, over the next week I am going to do some active eating (and drinking), and consider everything I am putting into my mouth. I need to remind myself that at the moment when I am struggling it's not about weight, it's about a feeling. That's where I am at and that's what I need to adjust to get right again. Sure the weight may be an affect of that but at the moment that's not what's bothering me. So, I may not be weighing myself for a while. I just have to trust myself, have a little faith, and hope it will see me through. Trust in the process of eating better and moving more and when I regain my "good feeling" I may weigh-in. But at the moment I can't see how a number will help the way I feel.
And there is always a possibility for it.
Because you never know what can happen, and what you can achieve.
And a less serious one...
I'm not even going to re-read this post and edit it. I wanted to just write this post as it flowed out. It's the raw truth of how I feel, and it doesn't help me to fool myself or you guys reading about how I feel and what's going on. And that's the reason I have this blog. The bottom line was to always use this blog to help me, and that won't happen if honesty isn't my policy.
xo Thanks for reading xo